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Everything you’ll experience at home during Christmas

Everything you’ll experience at home during Christmas
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The holidays are finally here and you’re well and truly ready to go home! Here’s a guide to help you through the holiday season by signposting every stage you’ll go through whilst you’re home for Christmas.

You’ll welcome your mum’s cooking with open arms.

It’s been so long since you’ve tasted fresh vegetables. It’s been so long since you’ve tasted anything other than pot noodle, tbh. You feel revitalised with this new level of vitamin-fuelled nutrition. You feel like royalty and it’s glorious.

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Everything is so quiet.
You don’t really notice this until you snuggle into your (actually comfortable) mattress and realise that you hear nothing. No drunken students stumbling in at 4am, no bassy-vibrations from the flat below. Literal silence. Weirdly, this makes it hard to sleep as you’ve become accustomed to the jungle that is student accommodation.

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You thought you’d have a break from booze. You won’t.
The trouble is that 1) It’s Christmas and 2) It’s free. This is too good an opportunity to turn down. Embrace it, my friend. The detox can come next year.

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(Possibly as a result of getting boozy) You’ll get fuck all work done.
January exams? What’s the point in revising when Trump might press the red button and nuke us all into oblivion anyway. You state that revision is conforming to a capitalist society driven by grades and success. You really just can’t be fucked to get off your arse and open a textbook. Either way, no work will be completed here.

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You’ll get very bored, very quickly.
Life at home is far more slow-paced and boy, do you feel it. This new found boredom will not inspire you to get any actual work done, however. Start a new series on Netflix? You betcha.

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You’ll see all your fave old mates.
Uni friends are great but they didn’t know you in your Year 9 emo phase. They didn’t get you when you prided yourself on your Jane Norman plastic-PE bag. They don’t know your story. Home mates are like a snuggly jumper or fluffy blanket. You can live without them, but they take the edge of the cold reality of leaving the fast-paced student hub.

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You’ll feel warm for the first time in months.
Home will feel like the Sahara Desert for the first few days but eventually you’ll realise this new-found feeling is called ‘not being cold’. You whack on the heating and kick back to Love Actually safe in the knowledge that the air won’t freeze upon entering your lungs.

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You’ll start to remember what health feels like.
Perhaps it’s the warmth, perhaps it’s actually eating food with nutritional value. Most likely a combo of the two. Nonetheless, your Freshers’ flu will start to evaporate and you’ll remember that spluttering through hideous coughing fits at 2am is not the norm. Who knew.

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You’ll accumulate so much stuff.
More than you ever thought possible. Ok, your suitcase was pretty full from all the washing you brought home but now it won’t shut. It’s not even close. You’re pretty sure all you asked people for was money (#overdraft) yet, somehow, you’ve been inundated with bath bombs, chocolate and kitchen utensils you never knew existed. Good luck with that on the tube, hun.

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