Christmas is over, the bank balance is obliterated, and your liver could risk go into failure any time soon.
Let’s try to be better humans? Right?
1) Don’t sleep with ‘that one’ again
You know the one. The one you keep going back to, and then regret immediately?
Yep. That one.
Don’t do it. You are strong, independent and don’t need to feel that way the next morning.
2) Cut down to one pizza a week
It’s hard. Pizza is friend. Pizza is comfort. Pizza is easy.
But Pizza is enemy and pizza is making you look like a ball.
3) Don’t take your card out with you at night
Granted, it is kinda hard these days when you can also use Apple Pay on your phone for everything too – but try sticking to a budget.
There’s two nice outcomes of this:
a) You can wake up safely with the knowledge that you haven’t been robbed and that someone has not spent £300 on contactless buying all the vodka in the building.
b) You’ll probably not have the worst hangover of your life.
4) And avoid being the one who orders the Uber
They won’t pay you back, or buy you drinks in the club.
5) Join a gym
But make sure it’s a cheap one so you don’t feel bad when you inevitably don’t use it
6) Join a new society
If you like socialising, drinking, and making lasting memories (until you blackout), join a sports team. Even if you’re not sporty.
If you like quite, as little talking as possible, and engaging your brain, join a bridge or crib club.
Just get out there and MEET PEOPLE.
7) Don’t leave assignments to the last minute
Yeah ok, that one will never work.
8) Leave earlier for lectures
Constantly rocking in at 9:10? You’re not cool. You’re annoying af. The rest of us have woken up 10 minutes earlier and so can you.
9) Be more interesting
It was cool to have no hobbies apart from drinking when you were 17, but now you’re an adult.
Make the debt at least slightly worth it and get a job when you graduate. How do you do this? Get a hobby.
Plus it gives you something to talk to strangers about.
Having a hobby is cool.
10) Don’t buy coffee at uni
It’s extortion. £3 for a latte in an institution of education?!
Instead, invest in a pretty thermo flask and put the £3 you would be spending in a savings account (by the time June comes you’ll have almost £500 to spend on booze).
11) Look for that summer internship now
Get ahead. You’ll be grateful in the long run.
12) Delete your ex’s number
He don’t want your drunk voicemails. Get him out of your life for good.
13) Ditch the crazy diets
Just eat healthy, am i right?
14) Stop making a fool of yourself drunk
It’s not pretty. It’s actually terrifying. Reign it in once in a while.
And don’t puke in the taxi.
Don’t just say it. Do it.
Book flights now. Right this minute.
You’ll never have the opportunity to ditch a weekday lecture again.
16) Read a book
Not one from your course reading list; like an actual physical book with a storyline. It’s a conversation opener on a first date.
17) Stop taking yourself so seriously
Have fun. Let loose. Be yourself.
People will still like you.
18) Buy that thing you’ve always wanted
What is student loan for, if not to spend frivolously at some point?
19) Thank your parents
They have to put up with you during the holidays but during term time they literally pay you to live away. They don’t want you moping at home.
Thank them for getting you to uni.
20) Clean your f*cking dishes
There are no words.