Landlords like to think that they’re down with the students but let’s face it, a lot of the time they just don’t have a clue. We asked you for the most stupid ways your landlords have tried to pimp your crib and they did not disappoint…
Katie, Physics, Birmingham: “Whilst we were viewing houses for third year we came across a really cheap eight bed gaff. Like, really cheap. About thirty seconds into the viewing we realised why- there was mould everywhere. Mould in places I didn’t know mould could grow- the sink, the carpet, the walls. The landlord seemed unfazed by this, instead telling us that he’d installed a new hot tub in the garden as if that would change our minds. Fair play, it was a nice hot tub, but still…”
Louise, Psychology, Manchester: “We’d had a broken loo in our house for a good month now. The previous tenants had blocked it so a pretty funky smell was starting to emerge from our top bathroom. We told our landlord and they said they would fix it. Like fools, we believed them. Three weeks later and we come home to two men erecting bamboo fencing around our garden. Our landlord said he was trying to make the house a ‘better experience’ for us. We wanted somewhere decent to poo, not bamboo. Clearly something was lost in translation.”
Ruby, Maths, UCL: “One beautiful spring morning, I went into our house kitchen to discover that a bird had nested itself in our window sill. As in, it had made its home in our kitchen. We told our landlord and heard nothing until a week later when a bird house had been installed in our garden. To be fair to our landlord, he topped it up with bird feed on the reg, so actually turned out to be quite an imaginative solution to the problem.”
Jacob, Chemistry, Exeter: “Our house had a serious mouse problem. After weeks of badgering, our landlord finally agreed to help us sort it. We thought he was going to send an exterminator round, until he knocked on our door one day and presented us with ‘FiFi’, a Siamese cat. To be fair, Feefs was initially very good at tackling the rodent problem. Until one day, when we all came downstairs to a massive fuck off rat in our kitchen. After twenty minutes of contemplating what on earth we were going to do with it, I got the broom and swept it into our garden. Obvs we couldn’t leave it there, so in a fit of panic I lifted it onto the broom and flung it over into the neighbours’ garden. As far as I’m aware they still don’t know it was us.”
George, History, Bristol: “Our house was quite, shall we say, basic. We asked our landlord if he could install a tumble dryer as we didn’t have a garden and the heating was so shoddy our radiators wouldn’t dry our clothes. Our landlord agreed, and finally the day came when our tumble dryer was to be installed. After weeks of anticipation we couldn’t wait for our garms to be fresh and dry. After the handy man left we all gathered in the kitchen for the big reveal, but something wasn’t right. My housemate opened the door of the machine and, low and behold, it was a dishwasher. We had asked for a tumble dryer and he gave us a dishwasher. You ok, hun?”
Hannah, Marketing, Leeds: “We had a bit of a mould sitch in our house, so we told our landlord and (surprisingly) he was very willing to fix it ASAP. We all went home for Easter, and were promised by our big LL that he would sort it over the hols. After the break we came home to a number of ‘motivational’ posters strategically placed over the patches of mould. Messages included ‘Home is where the heart is’ and ‘A tidy room is a tidy mind’. Yeah, alright mate, how about ‘ignoring mould doesn’t stop it from growing’.
Jake, Politics, Sheffield, “It was mid-November in our very own Northern powerhouse (ha ha ha) and the worst imaginable occurred- our heating broke. We informed our landlord and he said he would ‘send a solution’ the following morning. Bit ominous, but we were desperate and naïve, so accepted his vague promise without further thought. The next day we all came home after uni to a huge pile of firewood in our hall. Like, mountains and mountains of wood. We didn’t have a fireplace so I’m not quite sure what he was intending us to do with it, but it made for a pretty fun night of den-making nonetheless.”
What are your funny landlord stories? Let us know in the comments below!