If you’re anything like me, then come 1st December you head straight to Youtube and watch back-to-back Christmas adverts, judging each like some Simon Cowell-Grinch hybrid who was born to critique. This year was no different and, in all fairness, did see the production of some pretty heart-warming ensembles. It also saw the release of some absolute piles of festive wank, so let’s take a look at what 2017’s Christmas advert repertoire has to offer.
BBC One ‘Supporting Act’
This ad gets my vote as it offers something a bit different. Sentimental? AF. A compelling storyline? You betcha. The animation’s quite cool and it features a Dad who can actually dance- who knew?! Plus, it’s all set to Clean Bandit’s BANGER ‘Symphony’. What’s not to love?
John Lewis – Moz the Monster.
This advert is perplexing. At first the protagonist child, Joe, is scared of the monster (Moz) under his bed. Then they become friends. Then he gets a night-light and the monster goes away. This is more will-they-won’t-they than Ross and Rachael. You also can’t help but feel that JL were just desperate to plug their new product and release Moz as an overpriced cuddly toy.
M&S – Paddington Bear.
Ok, so M&S did good here by getting none other than the certified legend, Paddington Bear himself, involved in this two-min scat. All in all, it’s a pretty cool ad with a funny message (Paddington mistakes a burglar for Father Christmas). However, there is a very questionable moment where it’s hard to distinguish if Burglar Santa says ‘thank you, little bear’ or ‘fuck you, little bear’. Could be either, could be both. Give it a watch and decide for yourself.
Age UK – No one should have no one.
*Trigger warning* this advert will make you want to cry. Not just a little sniffle, but a full out bawl. Age UK are trying to draw attention to the loneliness old people feel at Christmas and BOY do they succeed. Watch with caution, friends.
Asda – Best Christmas Ever.
Best advert ever? No. Still quite cool? Oh yes. Ala Charlie and the chocolate factory, a young girl and her granddad go inside Santa’s grotto and have a snoop around at how all the cool presents are made. Pretty to watch and tre Christmassy. I like.
Tesco- Turkey every which way
Ok, hear me out on this one. I get that Tesco are trying to be more inclusive. Fair enough. But this advert features a Muslim family celebrating Christmas. Is that not a bit of a misunderstanding of Islamic culture on Tesco’s behalf? The advert itself is otherwise quite dull and non-offensive, but a bit too beige infused with vanilla for me. Middle of the road, meet Tesco.
Aldi – Kevin the Carrot
There is not other way to describe this advert other than genius. Heart-warming protagonist? Check. Beautiful love story? Check. Dodgy yet hilarious moment where Kevin gets hit by a pea-grenade and proclaims ‘I think I just peed myself’? Check, check and double check. I was engaged from start to finish and am still waiting for Kevin to set up an Instagram so I can stalk his relationship with his new gal.
And the worst…
Sainsbury’s – Every bit of Christmas
This is just awful. Everyone knows that karaoke is only tolerable after at least three bottles of wine, so WHY ON EARTH Sainsbury’s thought they’d ruin Christmas and torture our ears with this poorly sung, poorly executed shamble of an advert, I do not know. The word ‘annoying’ doesn’t begin to cover it. Watch at your own risk.