It’s officially British summertime and that means one thing for TV fanatics across the UK – Love Island is back. A way to avoid revision or a post-exam treat, Love Island will have you hooked from the word go. So, without further ado, here’s a comprehensive list of every time Love Island was your student life – the good, the bad and the downright disgraceful. Enjoy.
Jack and Dani’s will they won’t they.
If this doesn’t sum up student romance, I don’t know what will. You like someone, they like you back, but neither of you have the balls to actually tell each other. You freak out about commitment because you can barely keep your grades steady, let alone a relationship. Yet, fate brings you together as you both reach for the last pot noodle in Lidl, or catch each other’s eye across the room at pres – there’s no mistaking, it’s love. Just like that, you’re everyone’s favourite couple and buying meal deals for two. Gross.
Niall’s sex toy scandal is your experimental phase in First Year.
Did you even go to uni if you didn’t come out with a few sexgrets? Niall proclaiming that he once used a recorder as a sex toy would have been the biggest shock since Brexit had it not been for the fact that it was Niall. A horrendous truth, yet, so fitting for the man who described himself as a rainbow fish. Niall is that time you thought a threesome might be a good idea. The time you bought a vibrator from Anne Summers but left it unopened for 6 months because you had a pet rabbit as a child and it was all too real. Niall is the part of yourself that you hate, but the part that all your friends love. You inner Niall is your worst nightmare during never-have-I-ever. On some level, we are all Niall. Just maybe not with recorders.
Montana snacking all the time.
Montana, girl, you are my spirit animal. Every time there was drama, peace, a slight breeze in the air… Montana was up and heading straight to the kitchen. Be it granola or goats cheese, Montana knew the whereabouts of all the snacks and was always first to get the good bits. Reminding every student of themselves hungover, at pres, in lectures, seminars or snacking in front of the telly. Montana? We salute you.
Dr Alex forever living in the friend zone.
Poor, poor Alex. The nation’s favourite has been unlucky in love to say the least. On the outside world, being a doctor with a six pack is pretty much a safe bet to get you a girlfriend. Look at medic students, for example. PLAYERS. Yet, it seems in the villa Alex is making a cushy bed for himself in the friend zone. And bless him, it’s not as if he doesn’t try! Alex is your friend who is the first to pass you tissues when you’re down, proof read your essay, nurse you as you cry over yet another fuckboy (Adam, I’m looking at you). All he wants is to find a nice girl to buy flowers for and all he gets is mugged off by lasses who pick the gap yah wanker (hi Eyal!). Alex, I love you, but Love Island is your romance-Kryptonite. Go back to A & E.
Chris writing ‘Jason StayThumb’ is every time you forgot a historian’s name.
Eman you all Kant, David Attaboy, Theresa June. Chris, sweetie, we’ve all been there. Chris represented every time you’ve not done the seminar reading and your tutor picked you for the dreaded summary. Chris is every time you entered the exam hall having crammed for the past 16 hours because you were more engrossed in Homes Under The Hammer than your History degree. Chris is my life and I feel attacked.
Meeting the human embodiment of a gap yah.
Yes Eyal, I’m talking to you. Went on a gap yah in Thailand, did you? Read Kant once and now know the key to life? Give. Me. A. Break. I don’t care about when you built a school in Tanzania. I don’t care about how vegan cheese is just as good as cheddar. It’s all bollocks babe, just sip your VK like the rest of us.
When the girls tried to explain what Brexit was to Hayley.
The question on everyone’s lips for the past two years, Hayley finally took one for the team and asked the unaskable. While you might have expected her to have at least heard of Brexit, the girls’ definition of the UK leaving the EU was just as devastating. Summing up every drunken pres when you’ve tried to debate the topic knowing little more than the fact that Britain imports strawberries from Spain, this conversation was perhaps the most relatable moment of them all.
Caroline Flack is every friend when you tell them you’re dating someone new.
So, what are they like? How’s the shagging? Are you more attracted to his friends? Who in halls is the fittest? Caroline’s relentless investigations perfectly sum up every time you so much as hint to your mates that there might be a new love interest on the horizon. Take cover, because a blitz of questions is about to rain down. You love it when the barrage of enquiries is not aimed at you, but hate it when it’s your time to hit the hot seat. A night with Caroline is Russian roulette. She’ll make you psycho analyse every text, emoji and comma your new beau uses in an attempt to ascertain if they’ll mug you off. Exhausting.